Peroneal Repair Surgery: Week Three

Observations:

This surgery was much easier than my Achilles. It was not nearly as painful. I had one rough day, but that was it.
However, this surgery, like the injury itself, delays the pain from too much movement until after the fact. I joked with my PT that it was like tequila, letting you know you’ve done too many hours later. I pay for it later if I move too much and jostle my foot in my cast.
Michael is a huge help. The surgery was on a Friday. On Tuesday, after helping with laundry, cooking, and vacuuming, Michael commented, “Mom does a lot.” He asks if I need help several times each day. I hate asking for help, but I’m getting better at it.
My kid is the most understanding teenager I’ve ever met. He didn’t complain when we canceled our vacation and gave up tickets to two new MLB stadiums and Green Day tickets. The kid is remarkably kind.
The timing of my last surgery was much easier for Michael. It was performed a week and a half before he went back to school. This time, surgery occurred the day after he got out for the summer. He’s stuck home with me.
Thank goodness I can drive this time.
The location of this surgery is different. The incision is on the outside of my foot. When it gets warm, which it has been, my foot sweats. When sweat hits the incision, it’s excruciating.
Mike has been a fucking rock star. He works an hour away from home. After working all day, he’s been taking Michael to the fields to practice baseball. Today, he got to work before 6:30 to leave early and take Michael to practice.
Getting outside each day is huge for my mental health.
Getting dressed in real clothes is also huge for my mental health.
There’s a lot of screen time, but I’m consciously staying on Apple News as much as possible rather than scrolling social media. I still manage to go days without opening Instagram.
Telling as few people as possible has been better for my mental health. I’m not concerned about who is or isn’t checking in. The people I know are in my closest circle, and they’re checking on me perfectly. I posted a story about my cast foot at the beach and deleted it twenty minutes later. I like being in my recovery bubble.
Kindles and Libby have made it overwhelming to select which book to read next.
We have almost every streaming service, but the TV stays on TBS most of the time. It’s easier than trying to pick out movies we will both want to watch. (While recovering from Achilles surgery, I watched every cheesy Rom-Com on Netflix.)
My backyard is beautiful. I’m so thankful that the previous owner created flowerbeds that we just need to maintain. And I’m sorry for anything we accidentally killed trying to figure out which plants were weeds and which were supposed to be there.
There’s a bone spur on the back of my left foot, almost as big as the one removed from my right (after it dug into and tore my Achilles). I know others have much worse problems, but I don’t want to do this a third time.
Despite my best efforts, I’ve gained five pounds since surgery. Add that to the five I’ve gained since my injury, and I’ve got my work ahead of me when I can start moving. I’m aware that the extra weight puts more stress on my body.
The AeroGarden I found at Savers for $6 last year has given me so much entertainment. I give poor Mike daily updates on my tomato babies. He’s the best and humors me with matched excitement.
I want to live my dog’s life. Banjo has it made and is always happy.
At this point, I’ve become an emotional houseplant; I move into and out of the sun and drink plenty of water.

I’m Part of a Book Club, But The Other Members Have No Idea: An Anecdote about Social Anxiety

Putting myself out there has always been challenging for me. I hate unfamiliar social situations- and familiar ones as well. I constantly worry that I talk too much and hog the conversation or don’t talk enough and seem disinterested or snobby. I fear I will say the wrong thing, leading to me analyzing everything I said and every facial expression shared by everyone else in the group.

Realizing this anxiety should make me want to push myself to overcome this fear, but the exact opposite occurs. Over the years, I’ve retreated more than ever before. I keep a Keurig and a toaster in my classroom, so I never have to leave for lunch. I do not attempt to make plans with people. When the opportunity to make plans and be social arises, I usually back out at the last minute. I don’t think my social anxiety has always been this fierce. Covid didn’t help. Changes in social groups didn’t help. And here I am, focusing copiously on avoiding opportunities to make new friends.

Three years ago, friends were discussing books at a neighbor’s annual New Year’s Eve party. The idea for a book club was formed. I ordered and read the first books. When it was time for the meeting, I completely flaked out. What if I talked too much and came across as an overbearing know-it-all? What if I didn’t speak enough and seemed snobbish or disinterested? I continued to read the books, then chicken out when it was time to attend the meetings. I read Where the Crawdad Sings and other books agreed upon for each future meeting. But I never attended a single session.

Two years ago, an old friend from elementary school posted on Facebook that she was interested in starting a book club. We lost touch but go around the same fitness communities, and our boys are now attending the same middle school. It was an excellent way to meet people doing something I enjoy; I usually read a book a week- sometimes more. After mentioning that I was interested, she added me to a Book Club Facebook Group.

I started with the best intentions; I read every book, thinking of talking points as I read, reading books that generally would not get into my “Want to Read” pile, including the historical novel Lilac Girls. I noted the meetings and considered what I might want to bring to each event.

This is what social anxiety looks like. It’s a constant struggle to make myself show up to any sort of social event. Last month, I volunteered at the Boston Marathon. I didn’t sleep the night before, worrying about the fellow volunteers, familiar and unfamiliar with whom I would need to interact. What would my first impressions look like? Would I be awkward? Would I talk too much? Too little? What if I said something weird? I drove to the dropoff with a knot in my stomach. I was more than happy to spend the majority of the day filling thousands of cups of water, a job that, while very important, kept me away from the bulk of the action. I am happy I volunteered and look forward to signing up again next year, but I am also fully aware that doing so requires as much mental exertion as it does physical.

Now, I need to excuse myself so I can finish reading Lessons in Chemistry for the next meeting.

My Favorite Audiobooks

When I visited California, ran each night along the Sanfranciso Bay Path, listening to Hamilton as I completed my evening runs (to In and Out Burger). By the time I joined BRG, the Hamilton Mixtape had provided the soundtrack for my runs. Those two albums remind of times I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried new things, both with life-changing results.

The week before the Gaspee Days 5k, I put together a Spotify playlist titled “Run Run Run,” filled with guilty pleasure tunes to get me through my first race as a “real runner.” As I continued my running, I added to the playlist but found that the playlist didn’t always match my mood and finding other playlists on Spotify. This was great until I started going over my data usage each month. When I attempted one of my first longer runs, I purchased an audiobook to try during the run. I was hooked! I often borrow audiobooks on CD from the library, to listen to on my ride to work. However, changing CDs and carrying a CD player during runs did not sound enjoyable. Audiobooks are expensive and I am cheap. Before signing up for a trial of Audible, I downloaded the OverDrive app from the library.

OverDrive allows you to borrow audiobooks for free. You can download the books, allowing you to listen without eating all of your precious data. It isn’t perfect. There are often long hold lines for popular books and you cannot renew books, something I often do when borrowing books on CD. However, I have never had an issue finding a book that I enjoyed. If I find myself getting close to the end of the two-week borrowing cycle, I listen to the book at a faster speed to ensure I complete it on time.

I have the best intentions to read more. Each year, I set a goal and track it using the Goodreads app, coming two books shy of last year’s goal of twenty-five books. This year, I have already “read” fifteen books in 2018, a mix of real books and audiobooks.

In my months of listening to audiobooks during long runs, I find myself preferring non-fiction and autobiographies over fiction. I also find myself listening to cheesy, celebrity autobiographies at an alarming rate. Here are a few of my favorite audiobooks:

A Man Called Ove

Last spring, I trudged through My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry. I finished it over an extended period of time and didn’t love it. Hearing praise for A Man Called Ove, I decided to give Fredrik Backman another try. I loved this book! It tells the story of Ove, a crotchety old man, and his neighbors who insist on including him in their lives. I enjoyed the flashbacks explaining how Ove became his grumpy, particular self. I’ve heard rumors about it becoming a film; I would love to see this!

Yes, My Accent is Real and Some Other Things I Haven’t Told You

I love The Big Bang Theory. At the recommendation of a friend, I found this book. I enjoyed hearing Kunal Nayyar discuss growing up in India and coming to the United States as a college student. My favorite passages were the ones in which he discusses his relationship with his father. I found myself wanting to spend time with his dad more than Kunal himself. Not that Kunal is at all offputting; his father offers him sage advice at pivotal times in his life.

Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun, and be Your Own Person

I have never watched a single episode of any of Shonda Rhimes’ shows, not because they do not interest me. I’ve missed her shows because they start at 9:00 and 10:00, a time I am already in bed asleep. By the time I’d hear how great a show was, I was already several seasons late to the party and never got around to tuning in. Year of Yes follows Shonda’s pledge to say “Yes” to every opportunity offered to her. I finished this book wishing to be her friend. I enjoyed her positivity, her appreciation for her life, and her notes on balancing work, motherhood, self-care, and adult relationships.

White Trash: The 400-Year Untold History of Class in America

As someone who often admits that if I had history teachers as amazing as my English teachers, I probably would have become a history teacher, I thought I knew about my country’s history. This book enlightened me to a lot of things I did not know about the beginnings of America. It definitely made some of my longer runs go by quickly!

We Are Never Meeting in Real Life

Samantha Irby managed to leave me speechless! I loved this collection of essays about dating, work, and family. She is unapologetically honest, leading to hilarious one-liners that I would often repeat. This is the book I’ve recommended to every friend I know can handle Irby’s antics. From discussions about disastrous dates, her love/hate relationship with her cat, to adapting her friends who now have kids, We are Never Meeting in Real Life is a surprise that got me through a few great runs, even getting me to run longer at times because I wanted to hear how stories end.